I am all over the internet. I am very googable. I write a lot of stuff everywhere, post a lot of pictures and can be seen in every social networking site that ever hit this side of the planet. Sometimes I wonder if that is right, sometimes I wonder if it’s what I want or how I want things to be. Do I not value my privacy?
I have been asked more than once as to why I blog. I forget now how I defended myself or my actions but I am sure poorly.
Every now and then I ask myself that same question, why do I blog?
Yesterday I chanced upon someone’s blog, someone very close to me, and since it was an old blog, I went through three or four years worth of blog entries – and in the process, learned a lot about how that person thought, felt and how things, events, persons, were generally perceived. Close as we are, I did not know that side of her existed, or that those are her general thoughts and feelings, and in the end, I was left surprisingly and without my knowing it, bewildered and confused. That made me think, if someone close to me were to read my blogs, how would her/his perception of me change? More importantly, would I like this change?
True to my seemingly bipolar nature, there are times that I do not want to share anything about myself to anyone, that if I could erase everything about me on the internet I would. But yet again, true to my bipolar nature, these feelings are fleeting and I find myself coming back yet again.
I have not answered my own question in all these years, why do I blog? Perhaps it is time to answer, or at least attempt to come up with one that I hope I would myself believe when this feeling, this motive-questioning, comes back to haunt me yet again perhaps a few months or years from now.
I like telling stories. That is why I like to write. I have got so many stories to tell, so many experiences to share, and I want to because at the deepest core of my being, there is always this hope that somehow, someway, these stories, if only even one, will touch someone else’s life or perhaps leave a lasting imprint on someone’s thoughts – even if they do not really remember where they got it, much more who wrote it.
I blog not because I want people to know me, or help people understand me, my actions, the motives behind my actions, my deepest hurts and feelings, my joys and all these little tidbits of trivia of my very much insignificant life – but because I am just some ordinary person with an ordinary life, mundane, even mediocre at times, trying to validate my existence in this world wherein everything is ordinary, unless you do something (even just a litte bit) out of the ordinary, not for anything or anyone else, but yourself. This is me trying to make a difference. This is me trying to matter, not as someone specific, but someone blending in the general sense of things.